Sunday, October 31, 2004

Just dance!

A Fair Damsel is walking down the road, a few hooligans bother the damsel, she screams for help and obviously no one comes forward. Just when one loses all hope for her, in comes the Hero. Hero gets battered and bruised but he fights on. When he is done with those mangy hooligans the Police arrive.

What should logically be the next sentence in the above paragraph?

1. The Fair Damsel then gives our hero a Kiss.
2. The fair damsel is actually a guy going to a fancy dress competition.
3. The Fair Damsel takes our Hero to the Hospital.
4. The Fair Damsel and the Hero then whisk away to an exotic foreign location for a dance.

If you are preparing for the Common Admission Test (CAT) you probably are familiar with this type of question. Now, go back read the paragraph again and answer the question. If you are done, look at the key.

Answer Key:

You chose 1? : Your mind is somewhere else.

You chose 2? : Why would you want to story to progress in THAT particular direction?

You chose 3? : Congratulations! Means you are well set for the big day. Cause, If you notice the fourth line in the paragraph, it mentions the fact that the hero got battered in the fight. Logically, he should go to the hospital.

You chose 4? : You are no stranger to the world of Indian Cinema!

Indian Cinema has seen a lot of changes over the years. Obviously, the change to color in the sixties. The villain along with his vamps has been thrown out of the window. He has been replaced by the Mother-in Law. A guy who doesn't mind shedding a few tears has replaced the angry young man of the seventies. The confident lass has replaced the naive belle.

One feature has stood the vagaries of time though: The exotic location number. It is an unwritten law in both Mumbai and Chennai that every movie must contain a song shot in some foreign location. No, I am not talking about the Item Number. I am talking about the song in which the two express their affection by contorting their bodies in a manner that would put Shannon Miller to shame.

There are (obviously) many advantages of having such a song in your movie.

1. Wipes out five minutes of the running time.
2. Wipes out five minutes of the running time
3. Wipes out five minutes of the running time
4. Wipes out five minutes of the running time
5. Wipes out five minutes of the running time

Judging by the success rate these heroes have (they ALWAYS get the girl!) I must admit that probably the best way of professing an undying love for your woman is doing a few jhatkas and pelvic thrusts. So forget those candlelight dinners and those lovely roses, just get your dancing shoes and do the moves.

The best part of these songs is the foreigner. One can't help but notice him as he walks past our hero and his lady. Of course, some just stand hypnotized by the movements of the two lovebirds. How can you blame them? The sight of Vijaykanth (in a pink shirt and green trousers )dancing with a hot babe (like Ramba) will hypnotize just about anyone.

I pity the heroines, while the hero is nicely wrapped in layers and layers of clothing when frolicking in the snow the heroine has to make do with one very flimsy saree. Miraculously, she is also expected to smile and behave as if she is having a great time.

One of my friends is of the opinion that ESCAPISM is the reason that parallel/art movies don't do well in India. She feels that the average first rower doesn't really want a depressing movie. He just wants to forget his mundane daily activities and movies offer an escape. He feels good when a poor young boy beats up the 'baddies' and gets the rich young (good looking) girl.

That does make a lot of sense but why would he want to profess his love by dancing in St. Tropez? Surely he would prefer Ooty or Kandala. Surely he would chose Mount Road over the most important road in Geneva (okay, I have to google the name) and Valluar Kottam over Westminister Abbey.


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