Sunday, October 31, 2004

Just dance!

A Fair Damsel is walking down the road, a few hooligans bother the damsel, she screams for help and obviously no one comes forward. Just when one loses all hope for her, in comes the Hero. Hero gets battered and bruised but he fights on. When he is done with those mangy hooligans the Police arrive.

What should logically be the next sentence in the above paragraph?

1. The Fair Damsel then gives our hero a Kiss.
2. The fair damsel is actually a guy going to a fancy dress competition.
3. The Fair Damsel takes our Hero to the Hospital.
4. The Fair Damsel and the Hero then whisk away to an exotic foreign location for a dance.

If you are preparing for the Common Admission Test (CAT) you probably are familiar with this type of question. Now, go back read the paragraph again and answer the question. If you are done, look at the key.

Answer Key:

You chose 1? : Your mind is somewhere else.

You chose 2? : Why would you want to story to progress in THAT particular direction?

You chose 3? : Congratulations! Means you are well set for the big day. Cause, If you notice the fourth line in the paragraph, it mentions the fact that the hero got battered in the fight. Logically, he should go to the hospital.

You chose 4? : You are no stranger to the world of Indian Cinema!

Indian Cinema has seen a lot of changes over the years. Obviously, the change to color in the sixties. The villain along with his vamps has been thrown out of the window. He has been replaced by the Mother-in Law. A guy who doesn't mind shedding a few tears has replaced the angry young man of the seventies. The confident lass has replaced the naive belle.

One feature has stood the vagaries of time though: The exotic location number. It is an unwritten law in both Mumbai and Chennai that every movie must contain a song shot in some foreign location. No, I am not talking about the Item Number. I am talking about the song in which the two express their affection by contorting their bodies in a manner that would put Shannon Miller to shame.

There are (obviously) many advantages of having such a song in your movie.

1. Wipes out five minutes of the running time.
2. Wipes out five minutes of the running time
3. Wipes out five minutes of the running time
4. Wipes out five minutes of the running time
5. Wipes out five minutes of the running time

Judging by the success rate these heroes have (they ALWAYS get the girl!) I must admit that probably the best way of professing an undying love for your woman is doing a few jhatkas and pelvic thrusts. So forget those candlelight dinners and those lovely roses, just get your dancing shoes and do the moves.

The best part of these songs is the foreigner. One can't help but notice him as he walks past our hero and his lady. Of course, some just stand hypnotized by the movements of the two lovebirds. How can you blame them? The sight of Vijaykanth (in a pink shirt and green trousers )dancing with a hot babe (like Ramba) will hypnotize just about anyone.

I pity the heroines, while the hero is nicely wrapped in layers and layers of clothing when frolicking in the snow the heroine has to make do with one very flimsy saree. Miraculously, she is also expected to smile and behave as if she is having a great time.

One of my friends is of the opinion that ESCAPISM is the reason that parallel/art movies don't do well in India. She feels that the average first rower doesn't really want a depressing movie. He just wants to forget his mundane daily activities and movies offer an escape. He feels good when a poor young boy beats up the 'baddies' and gets the rich young (good looking) girl.

That does make a lot of sense but why would he want to profess his love by dancing in St. Tropez? Surely he would prefer Ooty or Kandala. Surely he would chose Mount Road over the most important road in Geneva (okay, I have to google the name) and Valluar Kottam over Westminister Abbey.


Tuesday, October 26, 2004

My first blog

This has been a long time coming. For nearly a year I have been contemplating whether to blog. After being repeatedly pushed by different people I have finally decided to go ahead.

Now that I am here with my own personal web space, where I can write whatever I want, curse whomever I want, put up a link to any website, I feel empowered. However, This new feeling is accompanied by this unwanted voice that asks : " Well, you moron! What do you want to write about?"

The first thing that comes to my mind is Sex (obviously), but then I can't think of anything that you (my intelligent reader) will not be aware about. I COULD put up pictures of scantily clad women (effectively ensuring my bog is a runaway success) but I decide to use that as a last ditch effort to save my blog. I ask myself, does Sex Sell? And (that voice again) screams: DUH! YES!. Just ask the people at The Times of India.

As a pucca Madrasi I have been brought up on a very staple diet of Idlis, Curd Rice and Lemon Pickle, Patti's filter coffee and of course The Hindu. The Hindu (in case you didn't know) is run by the sort of people who try to keep sleaze to the barest minimum. I assumed that all newspapers were run in the same manner with more focus on news and with a healthy dose of entertainment and gossip.

I was forced to read the Times of India on a couple of trips to New Delhi recently (what was I doing there? Check Nandans blog!.) And let me tell you this: The Hindu ROCKS. Forget Page 3, the Times of India is 24 pages of pure BULLSHIT.

For example: I noticed a reasonably big article in the SECOND PAGE on a man fathering a baby while in prison. Is anyone interested? Whats the point? So the man got horny, leave him alone! There was also an article on a Thai woman biting her husbands p**** after a domestic Quarrel. How in gods name is that relevant? It psyched me out and conjured some terrible images in my head. (Pretty sure I got you thinking).

Pictures of hot women are everywhere, meaning less space for what can actually be defined as news. Why am I complaining? Because if I wanted smut I would go online or rent a movie. A newspaper should deliver what it has been created for. NEWS.

On the flip side, it seems to me that it's a fantastic strategy to save money. They don't really have to dole out extravagant amounts of money to get good journalists. All they have to do is go online, get some pictures and presto- they have filled up space!

A friend tells me that Times of India is going to hit Chennai within the next year and that it's going to be priced at Rs 1. 50. That's less than half the cost of The Hindu. He seems convinced that the frugal Brahmin will end up subscribing to The Times of India throwing brand loyalty along with The Hindu out of the window.

If the paper does actually come to madras the stage will then be set for a fantastic boxing match. Who will deliver the knockout blow? Watch this space!

my first post

This has been a long time coming. For nearly a year I have been contemplating whether to blog. After being repeatedly pushed by different people I have finally decided to go ahead.

Now that I am here with my own personal webspace, where I can write whatever I want, curse whomever I want, put up a link to any website, I feel empowered. However, This new feeling is accompanied by this unwanted voice that asks : " Well, you moron! What do you want to write about?"

The first thing that comes to my mind is Sex (obviously), but then I cant think of anything that you ( my intelligent reader) will not be aware about. I COULD put up pictures of scantily clad women (effectively ensuring my blog is a runaway success) but I decide to use that as a last ditch effort to save my blog. I ask myself, Does Sex Sell? And ( that voice again) screams: DUh! YES!. Just ask the people at Times Of India.

As a pucca Madrasi I have been brought up on a very staple diet of Idlis, Curd Rice and Lemon Pickle, Patti's filter coffee and ofcourse The Hindu. The Hindu ( in case you didnt know) is run by the sort of people who try to keep sleaze to the barest minimum. I assumed that all newspapers were run in the same manner with more focus on news and with a healthy dose of entertainment and gossip.

I was forced to read the Times of India on a couple of trips to New Delhi recently (what was I doing there? Check Nandans blog!) and let me tell you this: THe Hindu ROCKS. Forget Page 3, the Times of India is 24 pages of pure BULLSHIT.

For example: I noticed a reasonably big article in the SECOND PAGE on a man fathering a baby while in prison. Is anyone interested? Whats the point? So the man got horny, leave him alone! There was also an article on a Thai woman biting her husbands p**** after a domestic Quarrel. How in gods name is that relevant? It psyched me out and conjured some terrible images in my head. (pretty sure I got you thinking).

Pictures of hot women are everywhere, meaning less space for what can actually be defined as news. why am I complaining? Because if I wanted smut or porn I would go online or rent a movie. A newspaper should deliver what it has been created for. NEWS.

On the flip side, it seems to me its a fantastic strategy to save money. They dont really have to dole out extravagant amounts of money to get good journalists. All they have to do is go online, get some pictures and presto- they have filled up space!

A friend tells me that Times of India is going to hit Chennai within the next year and that its going to be priced at Rs 1. 50. Thats less than half the cost of The Hindu. He seems convinced that the frugal Bramhin will end up suscribing to The Times of India throwing brand loyalty along with The Hindu out of the window.

If the paper does actually come to madras the stage will then be set for a fantastic boxing match. Who will deliver the knockout blow? Watch this space!